dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
