who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I was wasted and the time changed. I blame the male strippers.
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Now that it's over, I can finally say it and not feel bad,dude. Her mustache is better than yours.
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
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