she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
He looked me straight in the eye when he was fingering me last night...it was very serial killer.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
you are dancing on the line between undergrad and alcoholic.
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
can you take a pic of your glorious tits but not send it just yet? I need motivation to finish this bull shit presentation.
Randomize
