One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
