hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
did i walk over a car last night?
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
