does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
I called him Han Solo during sex, he looked at me like he was mortified then I realized he came.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Randomize
