You're my little dorito
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
You know what is really helpful - when the two guys you want to fuck stand next to each other. Stay tuned for who wins
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
Literally everyone in the bar was absolutely hammered out of their minds. I swear I even saw the bartender swigging jd when he thought no one was looking. And there was me thinking Britain was the booziest nation in the world.
Welcome to America. You're gonna love it.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
You kept trying to make people drink "salsa-ritas." But all you did was dump tequila in a half full jar of salsa, and shove it in people's faces while shouting at them.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
True strength comes from lack of pants
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
