she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
