oh good, I think they're gone
the painters?
my herpes
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
There are leaves in my underwear?
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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