I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
how do i tell her that i need alcohol to fuck her but at the same time i cant get a hard on with alcohol.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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