It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
The usual, bring face make up, I have a weird gash on my nose, probably from my one night stand
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
You spilled your drink, and we laughed so hard my boobs popped out of my shirt.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
