I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Hey bro u need to come home now, me and andy just had a 15 minute conversation about fig newtons. f this bong
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
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