med student doing my blood work at the AIDS clinic just hit on me after I told him i was having unprotected sex, but didn't think i had HIV.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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