Someone shit on the floor
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
I'm taking ecstasy it's gonna be that kind of Vegas trip
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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