So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
