i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
