i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
Responsible things to do when you're too hungover to get out of bed: Breast self exam.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
