did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
Randomize
