Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
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