So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
