its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
I interrupted her conversation with, "are we gonna fuck yet?" and she immediately got naked. thanks for the blind date
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
I JUST DEFLATED MY BOOB.
I DON'T KNOW WHETHER TO LAUGH OR CALL AN AMBULANCE.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Randomize
