Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I envy the lives of milf's kids, the little kid grabs her tits and she just laughs and says not now
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
Randomize
