Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Randomize
