I understand Curling. That high.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
Vasectomy results are in. No swimmers in the water. REPEAT. No swimmers in the water. Come help me harness my new found super-power
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
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