I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
Randomize
