I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
She bit a glass in half.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
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