i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
Randomize
