I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
He's playing farmville on his phone while puking over the toilet..
I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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