It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
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