girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Just when I decided to go get a taco and a blunt cake it starts raining. Coincidence? or divine intervention?
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
