Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
Randomize
