it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
Randomize
