Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
We convinced the Dj to let us play musical chairs...... I won by the way.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
