my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Randomize
