9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
She started ignoring us once we told her we were out to celebrate your abortion. Who knew strippers could be judgemental?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
Randomize
