I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
no pressure.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
His buddy came running in the room after we had sex, and started "sponging" the sweat off my forehead with his sport wristband.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I think we might need a safe word for this...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
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