i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
my fingers and penis are no longer on speaking terms. My penis is too jealous of where my fingers get to go.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
It's so weird fucking this kids aunt then going to the gym with him everyday, but my sick minded self loves it.
Randomize
