Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
ONE DAY CAN WE PLEASE HAVE SECRET SEX. PREFERABLY IN AN ANCIENT PYRAMID BUT I'M NOT OPPOSED TO A 4 STAR HOTEL
Randomize
