we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
Would it be crossing a line if I told him that I now know his girlfriend has a huge mole on her left ass cheek?
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
Randomize
