She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Hey bring in backup. its going to take a lot more beer than we think to fill up the water bed...
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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