but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
I feel like I'm one of those people who someone looks at and thinks "how did she get into this college"
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
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