i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Exactly. wat kind of friend would i be if i even pretended to give a shit about ur problems
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I swear to god my spidey sense only tingles when someone’s about to die or you’re being a hoe.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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