You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
I didn't notice because vodka
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Passed out in someones front yard last night. Got woke u?p by a lady walking her dog at 6am. Rock bottom.
Randomize
