i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
Randomize
