when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
Just found bacon bits in my pocket. Blackout buffet is the best.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize
