some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
remember when mike pissed in his pants and then put a double cheeburger in the pocketsss of said wet pants for "safe keeping"? yea drunker then that.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
eh, I feel I'm heading for a breakdown and I need to get it out of the way before I start writing that lab report.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
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