Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
