i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
Randomize
