bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
The moral of the story is do not hire me because everything will end up smelling like pickles and I will not sufficiently clean it up.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
