She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It was sunday, you had a camel back of bloody mary stumbling around a dog park with no dog.
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
