paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
Randomize
