would you ever date a girl who drove an 89 Chrysler LeBaron? - for the record it's a convertable
he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
Randomize
