Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
