coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
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