I've blown a few things in my day
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
We tried lying really still and being really quiet so that he wouldn't notice us before he left the room. Forgot about the glow in the dark condom.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
Randomize
