Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
